No bamn good

Jump to Comments

New York is a fast city. People here walk fast, talk fast, think fast, and yes, eat fast. Whether or not this is actually a virtue can be argued, but the fact remains that for many hungry New Yorkers mealtime is just another tiresome task. Take a look at the faces of the people tapping their feet while waiting in line – there’s one thought written clearly across their brows: “Listen, buddy, you’ve got to pick up the pace. You have exactly 30 seconds to assemble that Free-range Chipotle Smoked Turkey Wrap, because I have to get back to my cubicle!”

According to the website of Bamn, New York City’s brand spanking new automat, the goal of the eatery is to offer “tasty, inexpensive, real food for people on the go.” The main problem with that objective is that New York already does that quite well without coin-operated machines. And the choices are endless. Sure there’s the standard fast-food joints, but there are also scores of independently owned restaurants specializing in virtually every flavor of carry-out – sandwiches, salads, pizza, sushi, Mexican, Korean deli buffets, etc. And let’s not forget about the vast prepared foods section of Whole Foods.

Okay, so the concept of the automat is nifty. I can imagine that back in 1902, when the first Horn and Hardart automat opened in Philadelphia, the process of sliding a nickel into a slot and being able to fetch your own portion of food was novel. In today’s world, however, nearly everything is automated… perhaps a bit too much. Metrocards have replaced tokens, paychecks are strictly direct deposit, and debit cards are inching us towards a cashless society. I’m not feeling nostalgic for something automated. If anything, I’m feeling nostalgic for some slow food – you know, a tablecloth and a real, talking waiter.

Bamn certainly fits into its living quarters on its kitschy neon stretch of St. Marks Place. Passing by tattoo shops, Tokyo style beer halls, and NYU students rocking the latest post-new-wave fashion statements, the obnoxiously pink exterior and interior of Bamn is rad. When I stopped by, the gawkers outnumbered the eaters by at least 5 to 1, but I was ready to pony up to the change machine to stock up on coins.

Five dollars and a few greasy bites later, I realized that the slogan of Bamn should be: “Bland, deep-fried food for those who don’t mind being suckered out of their laundry quarters.”

The choices are mostly standard – chicken nuggets, burgers, grilled cheese – with a few interesting additions, like a spam sandwich and the macaroni and cheese “kroket,” a deep fried lump of the cheesy noodles. The flavors, however, were best left in the garbage can. It’s not often that I find myself thinking, hmmm, you know, McDonald’s really does that better. And the macaroni and cheese kroket seemed a little too much like Kraft Mac N’ Cheese, so much so that I wondered if it actually was. I mean, come on, can you at least make your own?

I can’t really imagine that Bamn will have any repeat customers, unless they of the college-age drunken variety. With so many other good cheap choices in the area, the cuteness of the pink automat quickly dissipates. What else can I say? I was suckered.

3 Comments

Filed under Food